Do best not to be a pessimist....

Having a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing sounds easy until you think about how much conditioning has taken place in your life, and how many of your current thoughts were influenced by geography, the religious beliefs of your ancestors, the color of your skin, the shape of your eyes, the political orientation of your parents, your size, your gender, the schools that were selected for you, and the vocation of your great-grandparents, to list only some possibilities.
You showed up here as a tiny infant capable of an infinite number of potentialities. Many of your choices remain unexplored because of a hopefully well-intentioned conditioning program designed to make you fit the culture of your caretakers. You probably had next to no opportunity to disagree with the cultural and societal arrangements made for your life. All of this is good and well and I too inhabit to some of this as well (I love & need structure) but I too believe in optimism and being open to learning in all ways, not just one.
There may have been some adults who encouraged you to have an open mind, but if you’re honest with yourself, you know that your philosophy of life, your religious beliefs, your manner of dress, and your language are a function of what your tribe (and its heritage) determined was right for you. If you made any fuss about going against this preordained conditioning, you probably heard even stronger voices insisting that you get back in line and do things the way they have "always been done." Fitting in superseded having a mind that was open to new ideas. If you saw how I dressed sometimes, you’d probably make fun of me as my husband does at times…but hey, I like it, it’s me and I’m not gonna budge just to fit in….I know what I like…so what if I am 32 & wear items with skulls on it to my kids school functions. It’s not my clothes that define me.  If others do not like what I am wearing....woop tee doooo!  Now I do not dress like an ass…I prefer being tactful, I am a mother & wife but you get the gist of it. Some folks freak out over the tiniest things like a skull on a shirt, a persons age, & wear it's being worn due to societies conditiontionings.
I urge you to open your mind to all possibilities, to resist any efforts to be pigeonholed, and to refuse to allow pessimism into your consciousness. Having a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing seems to me to be one of the most basic principles that you can adopt to contribute to individual peace. How can anyone be a pessimist in a world where we know so little? A heart starts beating inside a mother’s womb a few weeks after conception, and it’s a total mystery to everyone on our planet. In comparison to what there is to know, we are only embryos. Keep this in mind whenever you encounter those who are absolutely certain that there’s only one way to do something.
Resist being a pessimist. Resist with all your might, because we hardly know anything at all in comparison with what there is to know. Can you imagine what a pessimist who lived only 200 years ago would think about the world we live in? Airplanes, electricity, automobiles, television, remote controls, the Internet, fax machines, telephones, cellular phones, and so on. All because of that spark of open-mindedness that allowed progress, growth, and creativity to flourish.
An open mind allows you to explore and create and grow. A closed mind seals off any such creative explanation. Remember that progress would be impossible if we always did things the way we always have. The ability to participate in miracles --true miracles in your life --happens when you open your mind to your limitless potential.

The importance of loyalty.....

Loyalty is the willingness to make an investment or personal sacrifice to strengthen a relationship. Friendships & relationships all require loyalty. Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in every walk of life. The past few years I have experienced the constant face slap of non-loyalty by someone I gave a second chance & the other who is just a born bully; and have always been advised to just turn the other cheek.  Both parties (not related) harbor resentful & jealous qualities. I have wasted time (and I hate admitting it) but in tears, as a result of backstabbing, hateful rumors, ill will by others towards me because of these parties and yet I have tried my absolute best to remain the better person by turning my head and mostly due to sacrifice because of other parties involved…see loyalty. Does this all bother me? Yes & it hurts! And yet, I do my best to feel the raw emotions & then move on & get over it as best I can. I have separated myself from them but unfortunately my situation is a bit delicate because these folks are in my world by social standings and a run in is going to happen from time to time. This past weekend, I finally cracked and was given an opportunity to give back to one of them. In passing, I said “hi wookie” (she's a rather hairy woman and not in the right places) and to be honest it felt GREAT! Woohoo!!!! I finally said something even if it was stupid! Then, I got in the car & I felt a bit like a disgrace because I stooped to their level….what I did was by definition that of a bully. Uug. I despise bullies and yet I sorta became one in a second. On the other hand, I'm human and not going to be too hard on myself because two hours prior to this, this person was yet again being a jerk towards me. You give & you get…I could have done so much worse with what goes on in my head. If that’s all they got, then they should consider themselves lucky. On the other hand…in this unfortunate case, I witnessed loyalty. This horrible woman is a back stabbing narcissistic personality who uses & then destroys for her own personal gain---and it is easier for her to be a jerk than to take the road less traveled and be accountable to herself and the people she claims lies towards & hurts. She always plays the victim through her lies. And yet she is protected by loyalty. Her husband may not know her whole truth because of her lies but he certainly has her back & is loyal no matter the consequences. His blindness is annoying, but I certainly respect his loyalty to his wife, that I get, even though he has lashed out against me on her behalf due to her manipulating lies.
 I am happy to say though…throughout this whole ordeal, I too have loyalty in folks who speak up & sacrifice if need be because of what they believe in instead of over how it will affect them and that is a wonderful feeling! They love me & are loyal without any persuasion from me.  Because you take a stand for someone who you care about, regardless if they are right or wrong. Of course, always let them know in private if they were wrong, but if you are loyal in front of the crowd, that’s called taking a stand in the truest form of loyalty. It's taking a stand really for anyone or anything that you totally believe in. Loyalty usually breeds loyalty back, but if you are wishy-washy, that's what you will get in return. What goes around - comes around, as it is the most important virtue. All other virtues lose their value if loyalty is missing. Love in all forms; be it to God, to another human being or for example to nature or to fulfill a task, loses their value if loyalty is missing. Loyalty is the same as faithfulness. If a person has faithfulness, this person will live in a good sense. For me, it is a mark of my character. If you know me, then you know I have your back & am passionately loyal for what I believe in…no questions asked. I need no persuasion, it comes naturally. I’m not saying I’ve never been wrong….if anything…these miserable people I speak of, I can honestly tell you I was loyal to them when they had the wool over me so to speak, and at least I can live with my self knowing I was.  Because we all are dependent on one another, it’s the loyalty which acts as a bridge. It is the weak that try only to bring the strong down and with the great company of my loyal counterparts, this strong girl will continue on being that force that the weak is so threatened by.

Don't take the personal out of your relationships....

It happens to the best of us, even in a good relationship/friendship(s). Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when love, feelings, and bonds are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.
In today’s society I am geared towards the thought that technology has lend a hand in this communicational breakdown. I love technology and I am certainly one for taking advantage of its conveniences.  Being able to text throughout a busy day without having to pick up the phone (not like I can ever find the darn thing anyway) and still feel a bit of connection with your loved ones while tackling the day’s work load is great.  In emailing, you can really fill a person in with what’s going on because you can type/see better than on that tiny screen on your phone (well at least in my case it’s easier & less time consuming). Facebook, twitter, blogs are wonderful ways of networking, expressing ones’ self, & keeping up with old, present, & new friends/family.
Now having said all that, there are negative qualities that go along with the greatness of technology & social networking.  Take eye contact for instance; it’s becoming so common that in the company of another live being, likely their eyes are locked on the screen of a cell phone, I-pad, I-pod, laptops, etc.  “Do you ever get that feeling that you must be the most boring person on the planet in these encounters?”  It used to be that if a person couldn’t look you in the eyes then they had something to hide. “Oh lordy, how confusing in today’s world.”  The convenience’s that are provided are seemingly taking away what’s in the moment and most of all personal connection. The personal is what’s being taken out of relationships & when you take out the personal, there goes communication.
I have wonderful close friends near & far with whom I contact & get in touch with in many different ways…may that be through technology, phone calls, events, lunch, coffee, and so forth. And then I have those friends in which the only way I have contact is through technology. Who do you think I take more serious? The ones who like wise go a little bit more beyond a "tap tap" on a key board and want to be more personal. Ten to one, these “tap tap” friends are the ones who contact you when they typically are in need of your services & it benefits them… blah.  Everyone knows at least 1 or 2 of these types in their lives. On the plus side, it’s in a way a nice gesture…they know they can rely on you but at what point do you begin to not feel as though you’re anything else to these folks but a doormat. This is not to say the “tap tap friend” is not just as wonderful & unique as the others but where effort is felt, there is warmth & trust. The genuine sound in a voice can go a long way. You can know wonderful people and try in many different efforts to connect on a personal level... but truth be told if they really dig you, they will meet you along the way. And then there are those priceless folks (gems) for when time is spent & it might not even be often, but when you do, it is spent well & as if no time has ever passed.  My vise is to not take the “tap tap” personal, waste no time being bothered.  And, if given the opportunity…be honest with them on how they make you feel. Some people just are unaware and never take notice to their ways without a little communication. I always say “better to say too much than not enough.” We all are busy, especially in this “never stop world” we live in today but take note to never complain if you are the new age who takes the personal out of your encounters when you notice others stop going out of their way for you…just take a moment to think about a two way street.  Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.  So for everyone, try and be your best by putting back the personal & be present in your relationships. Think of it like church if you will, by showing up because you want too, not because you feel you have too.

Just a few of my favorite things...

It doesn't take much to make me happy...a  pleasure so simple as a full tank of gas so I can go and do is not usually what one would think  necessary, but it's high up there on my list. Believe it or not noise is one as well. I quite enjoy silence too, but when given the choice of a kaotic loud home over solace....I'll always choose the sound of life happening in the moment.  When I have a day to myself with peace & quite, it's grand but it gets old....when the family is together...things are happening and it is a sweet sound even if their is a whine or two in there....wait....three, four, five, six whines would be more likely.  Now let me share with you a few little things inexpensive & priceless items that also make me ooze cheer.

 My Marilyn Monroe chopping board my brother Chris gave me. I do not actually use it, it's basically used as art but every time I look at it it makes me smile because for one thing I love Marilyn (who doesn't) but he knows this about me, thus making it a thoughtful gift but more so because it is unique and it ties into him because he is a chef. Makes me think of my sweet wonderful bro.

 I heart this necklace, I made it it but that's not the reason, it's what is in it.  I have a fondness for frogs, mummies/dead things (I know that's strange but when I tell ya I can find joy in most everything I'm not kidding). My friend Amber found the most perfect mummified frog and held onto it because she knew I'd adorn it. Well she was right! On the belly side of the frog, it's hands actually make a heart. It's priceless and when ever I wear it or look at it I really feel the love from her.

 My kitchen window.  I love just looking out.  Observing nature, my boys at play, a grand breeze on my face. In the window I have a few things that make me smile, like the huge acorns my friend Jami & my kids collected for me(natures treasures), plants my kids are growing & pics of their yummy faces. So simple but yet so sweet.

 This green plant (can not remember what it is called), I have it all over the place. Why I love it so is when I was pregnant with my first boy 10 years ago a gentleman gave it to me as a gift for my great joy to come. I've had it ever since & then some. It is the gift that keeps giving. I have re rooted it over & over again and given it to so many people. To me I think of it as a chain of love with it's heart shaped leaves.

 There is no price you can put on your children's art work and I love proudly displaying it all over my house. It is everywhere, the bathroom, living room, kitchen, bedrooms, doors, you name it and their great imaginations are before you. I can honestly tell you I look at it everyday, the same stuff over & over and it never gets old, only better.

 The coffee mug on the right was given to me by a wookie & sheman and I LOVE it! The skulls were the main reason for the purchase due to my fetish.  But, it is more than that to me.  In the morning it is my mug of choice for that perfect serving of cozy coffee. It is a super bad ass mug that can take a beating when dropped. It nuzzles perfect in my had when I'm taking my sip...yes it's an experience and makes my cup of joe all that much sweeter.  The mug on the right I love because my sweet 1st born gave it to me on my second  mother's day and he was so proud for picking it out himself and well look at it, it's adorable. Coffee, tea in this cup is like a million kisses from my little sweetie!

 I like clean nails so I have a set up at each sink to help aid in this department.  This saucer is by an artist in Charleston that my mother-in-law gave me & it is perfect for fitting all of the items. I just like the set up, it makes me feel special and as you can tell I like everything to feel special which stems into even cleaning your nails.

 My precious saucer my sister gave me...not only is it adorable, but a perfect spot to place my jewelry on a whim. I remember how happy she was for finding it for me.

 I treasure these salt & pepper shakers my hubby gave me.  Our first date in 1993 we saw the movie "Nightmare before Christmas" and since then we are associated with the movie & it's characters. I-Sally with my red locks & he-Jack but with a gorgeous full head of hair. It is a great reminder every time of where & when our love affair began.

 This compact was given to me by sister-in-law Angela. She got it from South of the Border, the art on it gives off it's obvious reason for gifting it to me. I use it almost everyday and it's cuteness never gets old.  I smile every time I pick it up.

 These plaster-of-parish castings are like gold to me. The set of hands on the left are my first born, the feet are my second son, and the hand on the right are my husbands when he was a little boy and lived in Italy. They are momentous in capturing a moment in time. On the back I have the boys ages and a picture of them from that day the castings were made by us.

 (Old picture) This young lad is 4 yrs old to date.  Isn't he scrumptious!  Besides his yumminess, it is the rocking chair that also holds a torch in my heart. My sister-in-law Katherine gave it to me with my first born.  It was an old beat up chair she got from a friend and she turned it into comfort. She sewed the cushions with this lovely fabric and by hand I might add, sanded, painted, & permanently placed the baby shower invite under the seat cushion. My mother-in-law made the back cushion, & my step mother made the blanket hanging over the back. So much love was put into it! Also, many many many delicious nights were shared rocking my sweet boys to sleep, reading books, breast feeding, and all of this with what felt like a hug from all the folks who put love into this chair just for us.

My squirrels. Yes, we have our own squirrels...you read that correctly. We like to think of them as our back yard pets. We feed them daily...seed & fresh water.  They are spoiled.  We can identify them and have named a few.  They provide great entertainment through out the day & at dinner time.    
I often wonder though if they think of us as their servants. They are known to come to our slide-n-glass door looking in wondering where the food is if we have yet to refresh it.

My patio.  Refreshingly covered by the shade of the trees, my plants surrounding giving off beautiful colors, fire pit ready, bird feeder for watching, & with a nice breeze the wind chime gives a peaceful sound.  Need I say more.

Well, I'll end it there although I could go on & on.  Till next time, remember to keep your eyes open to the joy of simple things.

Be Authentic....

The only way to be loved for who you really are is to be authentic.
“We want to be loved for who we really are, and yet we are terrified to show up as who we really are even on those days we have the crazies. Your true soul partner will love and embrace all the parts of you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, that will only occur AFTER you love yourself in this manner and express yourself authentically. Being authentic is like sending the other person an invitation to meet you at that high vibrational level. ” Love and Abundance.

Superflymom

Who is that amazingly capable woman? It's Superflymom!
Batman and Superman have nothing on us moms. We have amazing superpowers and we don't even need silly capes or leotards to unleash those powers. Perhaps your special power is your Momsonic Hearing, which means you know which kid is coming down the hall based on their pace and stomp intensity. Or, perhaps your superpower involves the ability to translate the seeming gibberish of a toddler into coherent thoughts and phrases. Maybe you can catch poop with a single hand or use your inhuman strength to carry a baby and several bags of groceries into the house in a single load. As moms, we often beat ourselves up for all of the things we can't do or didn't get done. Instead, let's take a moment and boast about the amazing things we can do, like taking 3-4 kids and a dog for a walk around the block and living to tell about it. Like, managing your day so, that you’re able to get in a little time for yourself(which is usually bathroom time with the door actually closed & no kids lurking around), run errands, get kids from point a-z in a timely manner, clean the house, lunch with the hubby, work in some fun time for the kiddies, throw in some volunteer time, help with homework & studies, cook dinner & have it at the dinner table, and snuggle time with the kiddies & hubby. And, all of this with a great level of patience (that's our strongest superpower-patience). See….Superflymom for sure and all of this without a magic wand but instead very capable hands and simply because you are AWESOME! Now with your list, there are many things that may not have been accomplished.  But hey, that’s because we as moms usually focus on the most important anyway and something will always be knocked off the list but, the great thing is that there's always tomorrow for that other stuff.

Happiness is at no cost but is right now, and in the moment....

I don't really care that much whether people listen to me. I used to think, once upon a time as a young lady, that I'd do something grand and impressive, change the world and all that stuff. I don't care about that anymore. Now, the more I've learned, the more I've come to lean toward the conclusion that the best thing in the world is for the world to leave you alone.
There is ultimately nothing to accomplish in life. You don't need to be rich or well-liked or of prestigious social standing. You don't need much of anything to be happy. You just need to focus on being happy, because you can only do one thing at a time in life.
If you try to do more than that, nothing gets done because your intentions conflict with each other, one hand pushes against the other. You must choose. Career or family, money or love, success or happiness… you cannot have it all. You can really only have one thing in life, and you'd better choose carefully.
You can choose money, spend all your days in gradually expanding offices and finally die of a heart attack in a board meeting while your gold-plated Ferrari sits quietly in the garage of your fifty-room mansion in the most exclusive neighborhood in the state.
You can choose family, be buried in a 2-for-1 bargain plot with your spouse & children weeping over your headstone and be as forgotten as a dead squirrel in the forest in a matter of generations. I hate to think of this especially having two children of my own, but hey let's be realistic.
You can choose anything you want in life and probably get it, but you can only completely achieve one thing. If you split your priorities, you will achieve split results as well. You can have a little bit of money, a little bit of prestige, a little bit of family and a little bit of everything else, but none of them will be complete for you. If you want 100% success with anything, that thing must comprise 100% of your priorities. Each goal you set for yourself takes away from all your other goals, because circumstances will always force you to further one at the expense of another and to choose between them every day.
My advice to you is to focus on happiness, on enjoying life. You probably don't want to hear this, but this means you will not have status, be oober rich, or anything else. Conversely, focusing on money, status or anything else means you will not achieve happiness. Happiness is not success. Happiness is the opposite of conventional success.
It's not having things, it's ceasing to want things. When you stop caring about everything that could be and focus completely on enjoying what is, you are happy.
You are unhappy when you think your life isn't the way it should be, that you need to change X and Y and then your life can really begin. It doesn't work like that, though. This is your life,  RIGHT NOW, THIS IS IT! Are you happy? That's the truth right there.
Because people mostly do not want happiness. They want something else, something like money or success or status or respect, a beautiful wife or a wikipedia entry that says they were important. They want other people to think they are happy more than they really want to be happy. When you want to be happy even if it means that everyone you've ever loved and everyone you're ever going to meet will think you're a pathetic loser, that's when you're ready to be happy. Not before.
Being happy is the simplest thing in the world. Just do something that completely occupies your attention.
This is why people do extreme sports – the danger requires their complete attention so there is room for nothing else in their brain, and their internal monologue about everything that they think is wrong in their life quiets down. You don't need to risk death, though. Watch a really good TV show or play a video game, something that really draws you in. Once you get better at giving your complete attention to the immediate present moment, you can do anything. Cook dinner, go for a walk in the park, sit still and do nothing. As long as you can stay out of your head and out of the range of that internal voice that nags about changes it wants made, you'll stay happy.  I had a day like that yesterday & only I allowed it to ruin my happiness....silly silly silly me for allowing it. Happiness is your natural default state. Do you think lions lying in the sun berate themselves over what an ex-girlfriend or sibling said about them on Facebook?
That's the secret to happiness right there. It doesn't seem that impressive since I didn't stretch it out to 180 pages with exciting Sanskrit words and made-up spiritual-sounding terms thrown in and charge 29 bucks for it. But it is the truth.
I've said what I wanted to say on this blog and I could probably have said it a lot quicker. What does the future hold for me? I might just go and do something completely normal and boring or pointless that involves hanging out in the grave yard wondering if the day of the dead will ever be and play Zombies with my son(s) because it's funny & I know it will evolve into more happiness because it is silly & fun.
No one can know the future, and don't ever let anyone convince you they can. Those people on TV and on the internet trying to tell you what "will happen" in the next ten or twenty years are full of shit. All of them. Especially the experts.
Don't budge into the pressure of doing what does not make you happy, know thy self and what makes you soar and don't take it personal if other's don't get you, just be who you are and in the moment of happiness.